A Winter Dream

DECEMBER 24, 2010

As many of you know, these past six months have been the darkest and most difficult days I have ever had to navigate... I still can not believe that Milt is really gone... I find myself waiting for him to phone... or to be there to greet me when I return to our home, as only Milt could do... Please do not remind me that he lives on in my heart or the greater universe... that is a given. It is the physical and human stark reality of his not being here with me on this earth that is the source of the ache in my heart... I do not know that it will ever go away... I do believe though, that I will be able to tolerate this unspeakable place more and more, walking through the world without him, such is the love and support I have around and within me... but I miss my dearest best friend and my love with my entire being. 
So deep is this ache that even my dreams have dried up, that is until this trip to Colorado. It has been so long since I've had real dreams, the ones that take me places... and leave me wondering for days about their symbolism and significance to my psyche...
I dream that I am in the forest with a group of people and a Mexican shaman. As we travel along the path the trees begin to take on a vibrant light of colors, the colors of the chakras… The yellows, oranges, and reds give way to vibrant silver and gold. I go up to one of the gold trees, as I am in awe and so curious about these long, and what I discover are large hollow pods, growing on the trunk of the tree. They are hard to the touch, almost like some sort of container. Most are full of water. As I touch them, I can see that the water level in some are as high as where there is a hole or opening. It is so beautiful.
The scene shifts and I find that we are now standing on a busy street corner in a large city. I am told that we each have to do role acting with the shaman. Somehow, I discover that I am to be the first. The scenario is that he has just stolen $35,000.00 from me. What am I to do? I begin thinking… if money manifests from within me, then this money can easily be replaced. It is not about the shaman, or Pedro as I find myself calling him, but something that has occured between us. Something for me to know and move with, as consciously as I possibly can. I do know that if I accuse him of stealing from me with anger, then he will take off and there will be a scene. I wonder to myself, why did he take it? Maybe he really needs it? With these thoughts going on inside of me, we begin interacting. I say, hey Pedro, I bet you could use some money, I reach into my left pocket and hand him $200.00. As we walk along together, I then reach into my right pocket and find that “my money” is missing. I know, of course, that Pedro took it. I say, hey man, what gives? You’ve been my friend since we were children, why did you take the money? What is going on for you? There is a point where it looks like Pedro is going to bolt, but instead, my inquisitive and caring gaze, without accusations, but stating the truth, causes him to pause and stay connected to me. In this moment, there is this palpable and deep connection between us... that is when I awake…

I awake and find that it is the feeling of the dream that stays with me... This is a true Christmas gift to me... to have this dream-time connection once again with the vivid vibrancy of my unconscious... It is my hope, that in sharing this dream with you, that in its telling, something will also ring true, and be a gift for you as well...

A Blessed Christmas,
this 25th day in December 2010,
to you all...