Chrysalis

A year ago
tonight...

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Milt came home from his Boston trip
and my world forever tilted
then not knowing
that he would not be here tonight...

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and now...

I find myself even deeper
within this chrysalis
and I know not myself...

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a year later
with every window 

of my house encased
in plastic sheeting

for the paint that will hopefully be applied
sans any February rain 

this seventh day of June...

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I am stripped,
turned inside out,

held oh so tight...
I can not see in
and I can not see out...
the forty-eight days 

until I get my new pup
might as well be forty-eight years tonight...

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or forty-eight light years,

past or present,

I do not know
if I would even show up
in one of Milt's death candles...
I feel so transparent
breathing into right now...

I can feel the tightness
of not knowing the boundaries of where my skin
ends and begins...

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I have this new 
body

free of the pain
these last few years bound me to...

and I am caught between

my love of changing
and the me that lived here with Milton...

for all I know now
is the freedom of

being
just me...

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